Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.
There was a pause.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.
"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."
"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.
"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.
"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.
"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."
And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."
A.A. Milne
What is it like to spend intense time with friends you have known for 58 years. It’s pretty great for so many reasons. First of all they see you with the same eyes they had 58 years ago. Mostly, they see you without the all the lines that come with age. They remember who you were and forgive all those youthful struggles that may have made you less than pleasant. At least that is what you hope. Of course, it all depends on the kind of life you lived and the experiences which may have had an impact on the kind of person you have become.
A few months ago a cherished friend went to the other more peaceful side. There were people in attendance with whom I had a less than cordial relationship. To be honest, I never understood why she liked them. She was funny and smart. They were mean and sometimes vicious. My contact with these vipers ended about 40 years ago. Surprisingly they were still mean and controlling. One of them was door keeper for those of us who wanted to say our goodbyes. Even in their sadness they couldn’t get beyond who they were forty years ago. They were and remained the miserable humans I remembered.
So what’s the difference between those people and the girlfriends with whom I spent the last few years meditating. Consistency. There is a big difference between ongoing even peripheral contact and no contact. The people who still hated me, for whatever the reasons were not people who I ever even thought about. But those genuinely nice people, with whom I spent the last few days I was always curious about, even if I didn’t see them and they had evolved with each marriage, child, and death. They adapted gracefully to each change in their lives without changing their innate goodness or strong character.
What was among the most important things we did was to share facts about our families and the lives we lived. We are all unique there Are common denominators. One is our “humaness”. What does that mean? We all care deeply about our families, our freedoms, and our health. We trust one another to help each other through any difficulties and celebrate the good news. The other is desire to make our lives richer through meditation. We have all grown with the ability to look at our lives and ourselves through reading, thinking, discussion, and a sense of humor. You cannot have a full rich life without being able to laugh at yourself and the things which life throws at you. Last night I saw this from Milne and it best explains who and what kind of friends they are.
